Returning to school as a family can be a period marked by stress, anxiety and overwhelm. Settling back into routine, planning drop-offs, pick-ups and lunchboxes can add to the chaos of the first week back. This article, written by Rachel, our school psychologist, aims to provide three short but helpful tips to manage the first few weeks back at school.
Prepare for big feelings
Whether you have a five-year-old or a thirteen-year-old, change is generally difficult for people of any age. Younger children often lack the ability to reason, making big changes in routine feel anxiety-provoking and unsettling. Additionally, little ones with ADHD or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) may find it even more challenging to adjust to a new routine after a long December of differing bedtimes, more freedom and fewer boundaries.
Expecting your child to have big feelings the first week of school prepares you as a parent to navigate greater emotional dysregulation in your little one. Returning to school is marked by a period of adjustment, and your child is having to face a new routine, a new teacher, a new class full of students, and a new grade with new responsibilities.
Preparing for big feelings practically means talking through change with your children and how you are going to deal with big feelings as a family. Depending on your child’s age, this can look like asking open-ended questions such as, “What would make you feel more calm if you have a really scary day at school?” This can be simplified for very young children by offering them different options: “Would you like a hug or a special story when you have a bad day at school?” Fostering open communication with your children helps everyone feel more prepared.
Put your own oxygen mask on first
“Putting your own oxygen mask on first” psychologically refers to the ability to manage your own emotions, also known as adaptive emotional regulation. This involves a parent’s ability not only to recognise their own emotions, but to gain control over them and manage them effectively, as well as the capacity to formulate appropriate emotional responses within their child’s situation (Zimmer-Gembeck et al., 2022). Emotional regulation in a parent leads to co-regulation, a powerful tool that helps a child feel safe and secure.
The words we often tune out during the flight attendant’s demonstration ring especially true during periods of adjustment. They serve as a simple but effective reminder that when we are regulated and (relatively) calm, we can provide our children with the opportunity to work through their feelings.
Staying realistic in the context of surviving the first week back at school often means expecting that your child may be dysregulated, have big feelings, and be more sensitive. While some children may settle quickly into routine, enjoy a new classroom environment, and adapt to a new teacher, others may take four to six weeks to adjust. Asking open-ended questions can be incredibly helpful as children navigate a new routine, make friends, and learn new classroom schedules.
A regulated and calm parent can often make a bigger difference than finding matching socks or labelling every pencil.
Establish family rituals
Research shows that established family routines are strongly linked to children’s behaviour, including a decrease in externalising problem behaviours and an increase in prosocial behaviour. Prosocial behaviour refers to actions that help or benefit others, such as sharing, helping or cooperating. Additionally, the presence of family rituals in a child’s weekly routine is positively associated with greater family cohesiveness, expressiveness and reduced conflict.
A family ritual is simply a meaningful family interaction that a child can look forward to. This might be ice cream on a Friday afternoon, a specific Friday playlist in the car, a pizza and movie night on a Saturday, or an early morning walk together. Family rituals or routines anchor children and provide much-needed stability during times of transition. They also give children anticipatory joy, a powerful tool for emotional well-being. We all feel better when we have something to look forward to (Hosokawa, Tomozawa & Katsura, 2023).
Sources
Hosokawa, R., Tomozawa, R., & Katsura, T. (2023). Associations between family routines, family relationships, and children’s behavior. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 32(12), 3988–3998.
Zimmer-Gembeck, M. J., Rudolph, J., Kerin, J., & Bohadana-Brown, G. (2022). Parent emotional regulation: A meta-analytic review of its association with parenting and child adjustment. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 46(1), 63–82.
